Cultivar Review: Onions by Dr. Dankest

Onions – @doctordankest

Nose: Musty, skunky, earthy, garlic, zesty
Inhale: Zesty, earthy, gassy, floral, spicy, diesel
Exhale: Skunky, musty, chemical, floral, citrus

Lineage/Genetics 🧬: GMO x 4 (Double Burger x Double Burger)

Bred by: Dr. Dankest

Cultivated by: Dr. Dankest

Terpene Profile: Unknown

Onions Cannabis Cultivar (Strain) Review

Hey what’s up everyone? We are reaching the tail end of the week and, even though we have a humongous, must-win game tonight for my beloved Celtics, I have a review to share before all of that. Dr. Dankest is a newcomer to the review page but is someone who captured my attention when he added me a couple months back. After seeing him post a collage of his cultivar with the 🧅 emoji I could definitely tell this guy dabbled in GMO. After chopping it up in the DMs a bit he offered to come out and let me try a sample of what he referred to as “Onions.” After donating a free quarter to review he gave me a background that it is a GMO x 4 cross (Double Burger x Double Burger) which he elaborated it had derived from his Skunkmaster Flex collection. Personally, I’ve always had a knack for GMO myself, but after hearing a few others tell me that this was like that only on steroids, I was instantly sold. Not to mention, it’s tough not to be fascinated to try a cultivar when it’s well-presented over the gram. Hailing from right above me in northern Massachusetts, Dr. Dankest is one of those perfecting the art of small batch under a 2 lighter. Let’s waste no more time and get into the facts!

When I was handed the small Ball jar containing the Onions from Dr. Dankest, I was actually quite impressed by the simple marketing on it. He took a slap (bumper sticker) of his own brand and placed it right on the flat piece that makes up the lid. There’s not much else to elaborate on the packaging but, for such a simple presentation, I loved it.

As I proceeded to remove the lid, a straight up offensive odor entered my nostrils. The smell was undeniably reminiscent of GMO holding similar characteristics to a dirty underwear drawer. However, it had a bit more of a chemical edge to it as it fed off a prominent gas smell too. The long, fat but lanky colas the bud contained were lavish, holding an appearance that was simply picturesque. Containing shriveled up darker green to black purple leaves with one of the heaviest trichrome sequences I’ve seen in recent memory, I couldn’t find one flaw on the presentation of each nug. Many darker-haired pistils stood tall amongst the structure as brighter green hues made up the majority of the buds. To me, each nug appeared similarly to a disco ball when looking directly into the jar. The medium-to-larger sized nugs making up the quarter had one of the most absurd textures I’ve come across in awhile. The Onions included such a sappy surface in which, the second I went to pick up a nug, a struggle ensued to peel it off my skin. This posed somewhat of a problem when breaking this cultivar down. While this was match for the grinder (almost broke mine), it is also was a task breaking it down by hand, or “peeling back the onions” as Dr. Dankest put it. After doing so, 11 times out of 10 this would leave a thick residue stain on my fingertips which tough to remove even with industrial soap (zep). Resulting from this was a less than impressive yield although the sticky clump of bud did account for more mass/space when filling out the joint. When broken down, the skinniness relative to GMO become all the more present while it still fed of a bizarre chemical mustiness. As I proceeded to take a dry pull from the joint, the taste I pulled in was equivalent to musty, damp socks and soily marsh fields over a slight nutty fuel taste.

When I sparked the Onions in an Organic RAW, the initial inhales threw off a zesty taste with earthy overtones to set the tempo. It was only about a few pulls in when I started to notice the same chemical taste I found in the nose left lingering on my tongue after letting the smoke out.

While the first few pulls started out subtle with an edgy flare, I quickly noticed the pressure increasing with each one. Sooner then later, I began experiencing floral notes concocting with a skunky layer personifying that gassy edge mentioned before. About a quarter to half way through the sesh, the flavor picked up substantially on the follow through. As I let each pull out, that chemical taste left on the tongue was accompanied by citrus and floral terps. At this point, I experienced a slight onion taste throughout each exhale with a handful of coughs let out due to the excessive pressure each pull brought. Personally, the flavor on this one seemed to gradually get better with time. Due to the exceptionally sticky texture the bud held, the burn on this was rather on the slow side. Occasionally, the joint would turn off if slept on for too long. However, the burn was enjoyable and culminated in a sturdy white ash throwing off a solid terp ring, circling the joint. Later on in the concluding stages of the sesh, that zesty taste of onions still remained on the tongue after each pull. I did notice the joint cake up a bit with res towards the end of the sesh but I was still able to pull a decent amount of flavor in. Overall, I thought the flavor in this cultivar sprouted over time throughout the sesh and, ultimately, provided a very enjoyable experience throughout. Not to leave out that the pressure, as well as potency, it gave off led to powerful medicinal effects.

While I fell into a deep and wandering trance within my mind before the sesh concluded, the onset of medicinal effects provided by the Onions were heavy from the jump. A slight racey but drumbeat bore against the front of my eyelids and forehead creating somewhat of a frenzied feeling between inter-workings of my brain. About 30 minutes into the onset of effects I noticed my back and shoulders becoming increasingly numb providing sudden relief in pain. This feeling stayed within my upper body for the most part as I did not feel dragged out or the need to stay in one place while under the influence of this cultivar.

About an hour in or so, I felt completely uplifted remaining unprovoked and joyous in spirit. I enjoyed this mainly during night time but enjoyed this while walking throughout the neighborhood under the nice summer nights we’ve been having. I do caution that people are definitely going to notice the redness in your eyes from this one so pack some clear eyes if your one those people. I even satisfied my sweet tooth with some ice cream at a close-by stand fulfilling my hunger and knack to be adventurous at the same time. While I was a little more energized than I expected to be, the overall effects lasted an upwards of two hours total. I don’t have many dislikes regarding the medicinal effects the Onions put out. I have heard from others that this tends to get them more slumped, however; I felt like my experience was more balanced than anything.

First off, I wanted to thank Dr. Dankest for going out of his way to get a sample of this in my hands to try. After hearing nothing but good things in advance, I think this lived up to the hype. Apart from personally disliking the overtly sticky texture and seemingly small yield when breaking up, I didn’t find any other dislikes concerning this cultivar. This definitely fit the small batch criteria off the rip with a nice hand trim and stellar aesthetics. If you like gas and/or pungent flavors of zest, spice and mustiness you’re in luck because this will sprinkle your palette with a little bit of everything. This may want to be taken a little more lightly if you do not dabble with cannabis on an everyday level. The long-lasting, powerful effects this throws off will be an immediate hit for those seeking pain relief or having an symptoms of appetite loss. Additionally, anyone who enjoys a relaxing end of the day smoke or night cap will for sure want to try the Onions out for themselves. I believe this cultivar checked off a lot, if not all, of the boxes providing a smooth, well-rounded experience. Dr. Dankest has already informed me about some upcoming work in the near future so we will see more to come from him soon.



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